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Getting ready for the latest season of 24

Jack Bauer (Kiefer Sutherland) knows how to take a licking. Back in the second season of the hit-show 24, the oft-rogue counter-terrorist agent literally died and came back to life minutes in a span of minutes, then proceeded to break a man’s neck while suffering a heart attack a few hours later. Yeah, Jack can take a lot of abuse and still dish some out, but there’s one enemy that almost put him 24 feet underground: the Writer’s Guild of America.

Thanks to the crippling writer’s strike of 2008, a year and a half has passed since the last full season of 24. Unwilling to go down at the hands of greedy, money-grubbing wordsmiths (*ahem*), Agent Bauer and his crew have climbed back up the hole to air the latest season of the “real-time” action thriller. Tonight, January 11th, 2008, marks the first night of the newest Jack attack, though time will tell if he was able to coax the writers back on his side: the sixth and most recent season of 24 was universally (and rightfully) panned by critics and fans alike.

In preparation for tonight’s season premiere, roundhoward has compiled a list of 12 things you should know to get ready for Bauer’s latest round against the terrorists — or, as Kristin Wiig would call ‘em, “terriers.”

1. So You Think Your Father’s a Terrorist

For those of you thinking about skipping season seven after the fantastically awful season six, worry not: we’ve got the rundown. See, it turns out that Jack Bauer’s father, Philip (James Cromwell), was a terrorist mastermind responsible for the death of former president David Palmer. The Bauers went at it throughout the course of the 24 hour extravaganza, only for Philip to further spit in his son’s eyes by aligning with the Chinese villains that held Jack in custody for the last year and a half. Philip eventually blew up on an oil tanker, thereby ending a painful guest stint by the usually awesome Cromwell. Afterwards, Jack went and cried because his former lover Audrey (Kim Raver) fell catatonic after having been kidnapped herself while searching for Jack. Bauer finally realized that he has the Midas touch — except instead of gold, everything he touches turns to poop. Accordingly, our punctually-minded hero decides to hang up the 9MM and makeshift torture kit for good.

2. Are you an African or an African’t?

The most recent Bauer adventure took place in 24: Redemption, a two-hour telemovie that aired in November. In the flick, Jack’s mid-life crisis compels him to travel the globe in search of something new to screw up do. He winds up in the fictional African nation of Sengala to assist old war pal Carl Benton (Robert Carlyle), who owns a school for poverty-stricken African boys. Naturally, given that Jack is put into the equation (see: Midas touch), a group of Sengalan militants comes to the school to forcibly recruit the boys into their guerrilla army. Bauer just can’t say “no,” leading the gravely-voiced killing machine to strap on his terrorist-be-gone boots once more. Jack successfully gets the boys out of danger, but not before leaving poor Carl behind to die. When Jack finally brings the children to the U.S. embassy, some dweeb refuses to grant asylum unless Bauer turns himself over to the American government for his past criminal activities in the States. Good ol’ JB eventually gives in, and we’re once again out of Africa.

3. Mr. Bauer Goes to Washington

Following Redemption, Bauer winds up in an unfamiliar setting: Washington, D.C. That’s right, real-timers! Jack is back, but this time our renegade rockstar is doing his thing in the nation’s capital. The change of scenery is refreshing for a multitude of reasons — for one, while it’s clear that terrorists hate Hollywood, it’s hard to believe that they’re so against the American film industry that they’d target Los Angels for seven straight seasons. It also raises the stakes of the show by focusing the central terrorist plot in our nation’s capital.

4. The Hot Seat

Bauer’s excursion to Washington is anything but friendly. His ghosts finally catching up with him, Jack finds himself on the wrong side of a senate hearing investigating his previously used interrogation tactics. Not for nothing, but Jack doesn’t exactly have regrets about what he’s done, considering, well, y’know, he’s saved the world a few times. (Or California, at least.) Nonetheless, Bauer is looking at a pretty hefty punishment (as if the guy hasn’t been through enough), when suddenly…

5. Lady in Red

Step aside, Audrey, there’s a new lady in town! Washington’s hottest FBI agent is Renee Walker (Annie Wersching). This fiery-haired vixen is more than just a pen pusher. To put it another way, that whole “cougar” thing from season two wouldn’t be a problem for 24‘s newest leading lady. But Renee’s interest in Jack are far from personal (at least for now) as she interrupts his senate hearing. Unfortunately for Jack, she’s got some bad news…

6. Soul Patch Spectre

Like a soap opera gone bad (*AHEM*), Jack’s former best friend Tony Almeida (Carlos Bernard) is back from the dead. Presumably killed in the fifth season, it turns out that Tony is still kicking it old school and has brought some extra facial scruff to join his notorious soul patch. But it wouldn’t be 24 without a twist: Tony’s gone bad, working with some sort of shadow terrorist organization that has their sights on controlling the nation’s airports and such. Don’t expect Almeida to offer Jack a beer-in-a-Cub’s-mug anytime soon.

7. Sorta Kinda Related Side Note

8. The Gameplan

Understandably, Jack’s kinda skeptical about his colleague’s return. Tony and Jack were BFF (see above). If the idea of a resurrected Tony isn’t ludicrous enough as is, the insinuation that he’s gone rogue is flat out laughable. Knowing 24, the odds that Tony is actually bad are pretty darn low, unless the writers and creators have completely abandoned all character traits and reliable continuity. Err… anyway, Jack reluctantly agrees to investigate his former colleague, and that’s where things kick off on tonight’s premiere.

9. CTWho?

The apparent Jesus-like return of Tony Almeida isn’t the only whacky thing going on in the United States of Bauer. His former employing agency CTU (Counter Terrorist Unit)
has been shut down by the government due to its insecure infrastructure. Not too shocking when you consider the amount of villainous spies that came from that place. Despite its closure, an underground CTU organization is still in place. 24 alums Bill Buchanan (James Morrison) and Chloe O’Brien (Mary-Lynn Rajskub) are working behind the scenes to help Jack figure out what’s going on with this whole Tony baloney.

10. FBWhy?

Out with the old and in with the… new? In another move to invigorate the show, the FBI replaces CTU this season as Jack’s support network. Whether or not the change of organization will mean a lack of moles and leaks remains to be seen. (Hint: it won’t.) Nonetheless, there are some new faces on the series, such as Larry Moss (Jeffrey Nordling), an assistant director at the FBI. Also, a fair warning: don’t go into shock when you see Janeane Garofalo tonight. The notoriously liberal comedian has joined the heavily conservative 24 as computer geek Janis Gold, the FBI’s answer to Chloe O’Brien. Apparently her upcoming scenes with Chloe are “gold.” Get it? Do you get the joke? Because her last name is… *sigh*

11. The Clinton that Never Was

In addition to the new FBI, there’s a new First Family lording over the nation. Meet President Allison Taylor (Cherry Jones) and her husband Henry (Colm Feore), the would-be Clintons of the 24 universe. The fictional first female president is not only dealing with the Almeida crisis but also the international fallout from the military coup in Sengala, Africa. (Expect that fallout to reach as far as Washington.) Even worse is the recent death of Taylor’s son, deemed a suicide by the media, but husband Henry is suspicious of foul play. Knowing 24, he’s got the right hunch.

12. The Glory Days

While the latest season of 24 seems poised to make up for its less than lackluster sixth year, there are still several fences left to be mended. Many faithful fans of the show felt let down by the poor quality of writing and acting from the show’s most recent efforts. Could 24 ever achieve the greatness so abundant in its first few seasons? Would there ever be a moment as iconic as when Jack Bauer beheaded a key witness in order to establish street cred with a terrorist network? The revival of Tony Almeida will placate some who just want to see the old lug back in the saddle, but can it be explained realistically without completely “jumping the shark?” Has the show already jumped the shark? Who the heck even cares about sharks? Regardless of these questions, Jack is back: what remains to be seen is whether or not his return is worth all the hubbub.

Come back tomorrow for Part 2 of 24 Things I Hate/Love About 24, in which we decide whether or not we hated or loved the season premiere.

24 returns with two brand new episodes tonight, January 11th, 2009, starting at 8:00 PM EST on Fox. The third and fourth episodes of the season air tomorrow, January 12th, 2009, at 8:00 PM EST.