Sup, y’all? I know, I don’t really do this blog thing anymore. I would tell you that I’m going to try and fix that, but that would probably be a lie, so it’s best if we keep this relationship open and non-commital — or, in Facebook terms, we’ve got an “it’s complicated” relationship status.

But you can still find me elsewhere on yon internets, which is actually the reason I’m posting this. If you haven’t already noticed, I’ve been doing a lot of television coverage for MTV lately for shows such as “Dollhouse,” “FlashForward,” “Fringe,” “Human Target” and “V.”

Starting next week, however, I’ll be rapping about “Lost,” my clear-cut favorite TV series which begins its final season on February 2nd. I’ll use roundhoward as a means to update you on my television and “Lost” posts when I remember to, but for now, you can catch up on my current LOST IN NUMBERS feature at MTV. It’s a series of articles tied into the show’s dreaded number sequence — 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42 — and has been a heck of an undertaking so far, albeit an enjoyable one. They are, in order:

- Four Things To Remember From The Season Five Finale

- Eight Facts We Know About The Smoke Monster

- The Final Season’s Fifteen Series Regulars

- Sixteen Recurring Characters We Hope To See Again In The Final Season

- Twenty-Three Dead Characters That Should Return For The Final Season Of ‘Lost’

- Forty-Two Memorable Quotes From All Five Seasons Of ‘Lost’

- The 108 Questions We Want ‘Lost’ To Answer

Major thanks goes to Adam Rosenberg and the other MTV cats that are crazy enough to let me do something like this.

Anyway, hope you enjoy, and hopefully I’ll talk to you soon on this thing. Probably not, though. Seeya!

Pictured: Former Wizard Magazine Associate Editor Jim Gibbons (left) and former Toyfare Magazine Associate Editor TJ Dietsch (right), recently laid off from Wizard Entertainment, circa Summer 2009.

Best of luck, guys.

All,

I’m still processing everything that happened in the season five finale of Lost, but I will be back in a few days to give my full-fledged theories about where the show is heading and, perhaps more importantly, where the show has already been. Needless to say, I am officially endorsing Team Smocke.

-mgmt

Season seven of 24 comes to a close on Monday and we’ll (hopefully) know once and for all whether or not Zombie Almeida is a good guy or a bad guy — or, at least, what his motivations are. I got to thinking about this a bit today, and here are some of my thoughts on the matter.

I’m pretty sure the creative team behind 24’s third season flat-out said that one of the reasons that people weren’t as happy with that year was because we weren’t in Jack’s head from the get-go. The first act of that season hinged almost entirely on the “Jack is secretly reestablishing his cover” twist, which required keeping the audience in the dark about his true motives. I, personally, thought it was one of the smartest twists the show has ever seen — making people think that Jack was slipping up and off his game, when in actuality he was totally rocking out a black-ops mission — but I understand the argument that the audience needs to know what Jack’s game plan is. He’s our window into the 24 universe, like it or not… he’s the man we’re rooting for and the man we’re on this ride with. You gotta know where his head’s at, or you lose a large portion of the audience.

But those rules don’t apply to Tony. He’s been off the show for a full season before the seventh and we’ve really got no clue what’s elapsed for him over three-or-so years of being secretly alive, completely off the government radar and likely in a high-octane lifestyle 24/7 — which doesn’t necessarily mean shooting fools up or blowing up buildings all day long, but I’ve got a hard time imagining Almeida enjoying a Cubs mug full o’ Natty Light during his off-season period. But given the fact that Tony’s been disconnected from mainstream society in the three years since his self-professed ten minute death without his wife and would-be son, it’s probably safe to say the poor fella’s been emotionally isolated and feels like he’s got nothing to lose. Well, almost nothing.

If the writers are sticking with Tony’s pre-established character, then this was a guy who used to put himself in the line of fire for the people and values that he cares about… Michelle, his country, all that good stuff. Michelle is gone, yes, but does that mean he doesn’t give a hoot about preventing what happened to him to the larger majority of people? I don’t think so, personally. I think it’s entirely within the realm of plausibility that Tony, now three years removed from anything resembling a normal life, would put himself in a martyr position to achieve what he perceives to be the greater good.

Which brings us back to season three. While the show can no longer hold Jack’s intentions back from the audience, those rules do not apply to Tony. This is a character we’ve known since day one and watching him do the things he’s done has of course seemed out of character — but any further out of character than when drugged-up Jackie boy seemingly made botched decision after botched decision in the Salazar case? Everyone that Tony has killed has been collateral damage and, up until the train incident, entirely FBI or government-based (minus that one terrorist dude, but that chump deserved it.) Further, Tony does not seem to know who this group is that’s pulling the strings — he admits as much to that Baronness lookalike in their sweet motel room.

So Tony could very easily be working his way up the food chain. He could very easily be willing to painfully kill a thousand people to save the lives of millions if he deems this group threatening enough. If these guys have their hands in as many jars as we think they do, then Tony might justify slitting a few innocent throats to spare a room full.

Does this mean that Tony’s a good guy? Not necessarily. So then he’s a bad guy? I don’t think it’s that easy, either. If this is really what Soul Patch is up to, then he’s definitely proven himself in the morally gray — the audience gets to decide which side of the coin they’re on. And ultimately, it DOES fit perfectly given the theme of the day thus far of “how far are you willing to go for the greater good.” The torture debate was on JACK at first: the audience agrees with Jack during the senate hearing, that he truly has done what is necessary to save the world over and over again.

Now, 24 episodes later, the audience and Bauer himself will need to take a long, hard look at what Almeida’s done… are all the innocent lives he has killed or almost killed worth sacrificing to bring down the big bad wolves trying to blow the house down? That’ll be up to Jack and us to decide. When all’s said and done this year, I suspect that there still won’t be an easily agreed upon answer to the debate of Tony’s moral allegiance.

Then again… Tony could genuinely be evil. Sayonara previously-established character development and potential thematic excellence, and hello thematically awkward, potentially laughable but nonetheless thrilling year of 24. Hey, I’m okay with that, too. I resigned myself to crappy 24 around season four, and especially after season six, but this has been a surprisingly fun year. If the show decides to ultimately maintain its recent status as a 24-hour popcorn flick, then hey, they did a great job this year. It was a huge leap forward in that regard.

But I’ve got some faith in the writers this year, even in spite of the truly awful sixth season. I think they’re smart enough to bring not only Almeida, but the entire season and series full-circle with episode 7X24 by turning the “how far can you go and still be in the right” argument on its head for both Jack and the audience. I really think they’re going there. They’ve left all the breadcrumbs on the trail for that ending, and I think that’s where we’re headed. Whether Tony dies or goes to jail, I dunno, but I suspect that he believes he’s serving his country in Severus Snape inspired fashion. (Because you know that Almeida caught up on HP7 while he was boozing with his terrorist buds.)

That’s just my two cents, yo.

Recovered document and photo from fire at St. Philipine Manor in Yountville, CA on April 2, 2016.

Mutant Watch, October 12th, 2003.

I’ve had my eye on this target for the better half of two decades. Gregory is a Long Island native raised by parents [TEXT REMOVED AT GOVERNMENT REQUEST], though prior suspicions have been confirmed that they are not genetically related. While the identity of his birth mother remains unknown, I have discovered that [TEXT REMOVED AT GOVERNMENT REQUEST]. This explains his previously demonstrated pyrokinetic abilities documented in attached surveillance photo.

He is a gifted youngster that has exhibited extreme confidence — one might even say unbridled enthusiasm — in his own abilities. It is this very cavalier nature that is Gregory’s greatest gift, as well as his weakest asset. When the time comes for [TEXT REMOVED AT GOVERNMENT REQUEST] I’m afraid his brash attitude could get both him and those he holds dear in an unseemly amount of trouble.

Thankfully, Gregory has accepted my invitation to enroll in the academy. He will operate under the codename BREAKSHIFTER. Detailed comments regarding his training are forthcoming.

X

I won’t lie — I’m a big fan of peanuts. Mix ‘em up with chocolate, put it in a cup, call it a Reesies? Yeah, I’m there. For hours.

But I appreciate the plight of those who cannot weather the potentially toxic effects of the allergenic peanut. Therefore, roundhoward proudly endorses the efforts of Enemy of Peanuts, a new blog from journalist/anti-legume advocate Jim Gibbons (of Nothing More American fame). As long as he stays away from Peanut Butter Cups, we’re cool.

Where does Kurt Russell go when he’s not shooting sweet pictures like “Breakdown” and “Sky High”? I used to wonder that — quite often, in fact — until I stumbled upon the truth.

Behold Russell’s alterego, disgraced former governor Eliot Spitzer. It’s a tough commute from Los Angeles to Albany, but if anyone could pull it off, it’s Snake Plissken.

Still, even coming home to Goldie Hawn’s loving embrace wasn’t enough for the Hollywood actor/New York governor hybrid — hence the prostitution ring. When Russell/Spitzer had to put down one of his names, he offered up the governor’s identity — no way in hell was he gonna sacrifice Private Benjamin.

If you’re feeling skeptical, just check out these other pictures. You’ll have no choice but to accept the truth.

But perhaps most damning of all…

You don’t even know who this one is!!!

So next time you’re feeling bad for Spitzy and his family, just think about the REAL double life he’s been leading all along. Kurt, lord knows I love ya, but I think it’s time to come clean.

Read it and weep, ye multitudes — I have killed roundhoward with mine own hands. He is dead, he is dead, he is dead. But as it so often goes in popular culture, he shall live again.

Here’s the rundown. I’ve been busy writing for the awesome peeps at MTV, CBR and Wizard Magazine for the last few weeks and months. While this is certainly a good thing, it makes wanting to blog about entertainment news on this here site a little hard. It’s difficult wanting to write 1500 word articles about Lost and 24 every week when you’re pouring so much time into other writing.

So while I’ll still blog about those shows from time to time, it’s going to be less often and with much smaller word counts. The article format of roundhoward is, for now, deceased.

So what’s probably happening here is that we’re turning into a straight-up blog. Not an entertainment news site like I tried to do at first. Just a blog. Standard, fun, vomit-straight-from-my-brain-and-onto-da-innernet blog. I’m gonna rap about the random shee-hat that I’m not able to discuss in other venues. And I’m actually pretty souped up about it.

So I hope you’ll enjoy the new phase of the site where I link to pictures of Princess Zelda…

And introduce you to the sweet, sweet stylings of Sexman…

So pour one out for ye old roundhoward, and stick around for the new one — whiiich probably won’t be updated for at least three weeks.

Byyyyyyye!

If Lost hasn’t jumped the shark yet, it’s certainly jumped a decade or three.

John Locke reset the off-kilter donkey wheel and fixed the island’s unstable time travel. The problem? The island wound up in the wrong time, seemingly for good. Left behind are James ‘Sawyer’ Ford, Juliet Burke, Jin Soo-Kwon, Miles Straume and Daniel Faraday. So how does their new time period suit them? For some — like Saywer and Juliet — it fits them quite well. By the look of it, however, everyone’s cozy hippy excursion is coming to a screeching halt with the arrival of the Oceanic Six, their old pals and would-be saviors.

Click inside for the full scoop on the latest episode of Lost, “LaFleur.”

Suited for the ’70s

It’s straight to the days of DHARMA for Sawyer and friends, trading their tattered beach clothes for a pair of DHARMA jumpsuits. Shortly after Locke’s departure, the Left Behinders stumbled upon Amy (Reiko Aylesworth of 24 fame), a young woman whose husband had been killed by the Others. Sawyer and Juliet make short work of the assailants and are led back to New Otherton, known then as the Barracks, to join the legendary DHARMA Initiative.

The theory that Daniel posits is that “whatever happened, happened,” meaning that the pseudo-permanent fixture of our heroes in the ’70s has always been a part of history. When Sawyer asked in 2004 if  the DHARMA Initiative were aliens, he had no idea that he’d been part of the hippy science crew back in the island’s history and in his future. Sounds trippy? Those tree-hugging DHARMites wouldn’t have it any other way.

By the look of it, the ’70s has had a profound effect on our favorite castaways. Miles is more friendly and laidback, Jin speaks perfect English, Sawyer and Juliet are making kissy-face and Daniel is… well, we’re not quite sure where Daniel is, but this whole time-shift thing certainly explains why he was at the construction of the Orchid back in the season premiere. The Sawyer and Juliet relationship is particularly interesting, firmly adding a new edge to the previous Jack-Kate-Sawyer love triangle. Even better is that Sawyer and Juliet appear happier than any other prior combination of the love square — what? I need to come up with a poetic name for it? — proving once and for all that Sawyer > Jack and Juliet > Kate. I’m not a ’shipper, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t pleased as punch about this new dynamic duo.

Whatever Happened, Happened

The ever present Richard Alpert’s age isn’t any closer to explanation, but at least we’re getting a clearer picture of some important Lost mythology. If Daniel’s words are true that “whatever happened, happened,” then Sawyer’s conversation with Richard was always fated to happen in 1974. It’s worth wondering then if the crash of Oceanic 815 was foretold by Alpert, if not caused by him. (The current explanation that Desmond’s lapse of button pushing brought the plane down isn’t completely satisfying.)

Richard has to know who Sawyer is in present times as their ’70s conversation was very profound for Alpert, who had already been visited by John Locke in the ’50s. Further, Richard had detailed files on several of the castaways including Locke, in which it was revealed that John’s father was the infamous “Sawyer” that James Ford had been hunting his entire life. During all that time compiling information about the castaways, you have to imagine that Richard took one look at Sawyer’s picture and went, “Oh, that’s right. That guy. Totally forgot about that guy.”

The best example other than Sawyer is Juliet. Perhaps Alpert learned of her role in delivering Amy’s baby. When all the baby problems start to go down in present times, Richard would think back to the ’70s and remember Juliet, the woman who successfully delivered a DHARMA baby. That’s why the Others recruit her into their fold so aggressively. She is a tried and true success in the DHARMA days which makes her a valuable asset on the island.

Basically, the coexistance of eternal Richard Alpert and our temporally displaced castaways — which includes Jack, Kate, Hurley and maybe the others — is more fated than coincidental and also more circular than some might like. It’s a chicken and the egg conundrum that might be telling of Lost’s typical non-answer answers — everything is Alpha, Omega, beginning and end all at once and, ultimately, there might not be any answers. Kind of a bummer, but such is life.

Walk Like A Four-Toed Egyptian

It’s a blink-or-you’ll-miss-it moment, but there it is — the four-toed statue back from the dead. Not seen since the season two finale, the four-toed statue is one of Lost’s most compelling mysteries. Fans long wondered why the statue hadn’t been addressed by the show since its introduction, but last night’s return sheds some light on the mysterious figure.

The shape of the statue has a distinctly Egyptian vibe to it. On a superficial level, the shape of the ears and the style of the hair are reminiscent of ancient depictions of Anubis, Horus and other Egyptian deities. There’s also the skirt, a dinstinct characteristic of the Egyptian gods. Further, if you look at the hands, the statue appears to be holding an ankh — the same symbol that Amy retrieved from her dead husband’s necklace. The ankh is a symbol commonly held by Egyptian gods — that’s just research, baby — and it represents eternal life, magical protection, purification and a slew of other Lost related themes.

The idea that there’s some sort of Egyptian element on Lost isn’t totally new. When the numbers used to go haywire in the Swan station, they would flip to reveal ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics. Similar markings have been seen elsewhere on the island, most recently at the black smoke monster’s underground temple in this season’s “This Place is Death.” What’s the significance of Egyptian mythology in relation to the show’s greater meaning? Hard to say, but there’s very little doubt now that the exotic island has much in common with Ancient Egypt.

Bonus Points

When Charlotte told Daniel that she’d lived on the island before, it seemed obvious that we’d see her again at some point — but so soon? And you have to admit, baby Charlotte is a heck of a lot cuter and less annoying than older Charlotte. Also note that Daniel repeatedly muttered “I won’t, I won’t, I won’t tell her” when the Left Behinders rediscovered him, yet he’s the one talking about how events cannot be changed. Poor Danny boy is in for a let down.

Another excellent moment is Sawyer’s latest insult, this time towards Richard Alpert — or, as Sawyer calls him, “the guy with the eyeliner.” Nestor Carbonell, the actor who plays Alpert, maintains that he just has very dark eyelashes, so it’s pretty funny to see the argument taken into the proper series.

While the numbers stayed relatively quiet last night, there’s a new number that’s come front and center — three. That’s how many years the Oceanic Six were off the island, and how many years the Left Behinders have lived in DHARMA’s time. It’s tough to admit, but we really don’t know our cast very well anymore. Three full years of their lives have elapsed since the main events of the fourth season. While we’ve seen glimpses here and there, there are major chunks of time missing that we haven’t witnessed. It will be very interesting rediscovering the cast of Lost and to see how their being off the island, being displaced by time and, in one case, being dead will influence the show’s dynamic.

Check back in two weeks for an all-new edition of Lost: Island Fever.

What a long, strange trip it’s  been for John Locke. He was abandoned at birth, raised in a series of foster homes, literally broken by his father, then risen anew on the mysterious island that Lost fans have come to know and love. At some point in his future, the alleged “chosen one” wound up dead in a coffin in a lonely Los Angeles funeral parlor. But with notions of resurrection hinted throughout the show’s fifth season — and because no one is ever really dead on Lost – many fans began to wonder if we’d actually seen the last of John.

After last night’s episode, “The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham,” we have the answer and there is finally no doubt about it — John Locke is very special indeed.

Winning the Game

After spinning the frozen donkey wheel, John Locke awakens in Tunisia, just as Ben Linus did years before him. Unlike Ben, however, John is recovered by Charles Widmore — an extremely powerful man who, apparently, has a lot invested in John’s future. “There’s a war coming,” he tells Locke. “If you’re not back on the island when that happens, the wrong side will win.”

We’ve known for some time now that there’s a rivalry between Linus and Widmore, but the word “war” really underlines that friction. John’s season one explanation of backgammon to Walt is becoming prophetic — “Two sides… one is light, the other is dark.” While Lost’s character pool tends to dip more in the gray zone, this latest episode indicates that Widmore might ultimately be the lesser of two evils.

If Charles is to be believed — he hasn’t quite earned unconditional trust, though he is a convincing speaker — then he was once the leader of the Others (a group of “peaceful” protectors for three decades, he says) until Ben tricked him into leaving the island. Whether that means spinning the donkey wheel or some other means of evacuation is unclear, but it certainly goes with what we know about Ben. He’s a master of trickery, and his deception to Widmore would be just one more notch in his bad guy belt. But even if Ben didn’t trick Charles, don’t worry — there’s still one big reason to think that Ben’s side is the wrong one.

The Saint’s Departure

In order to return to the island, John has to convince the Oceanic Six to return with him. To do this, he travels to a variety of locales — Santo Domingo, Santa Rosa, Santa Barbara — all places with the word “saint” in them. If you hadn’t noticed the Christ imagery yet, then that should be a big hint. Of course, John is unsuccessful in his attempt, although he does inspire Jack’s desire to return to the island. But before John can reach out to Jack again, he’s tangled up with another problem — namely, a long red wire that Ben chokes him to death with.

Locke was prepared to kill himself. Ben talked him off the ledge only to murder him moments later. Why? There are some obvious answers. For one, Ben has always been jealous of John’s apparent importance. This isn’t the first time he’s tried killing Locke. A season three bullet to the gut didn’t quite do the trick, and even Ben’s most recent attempt at strangling him only sort of worked. Also, Ben can manipulate a dead Locke easier than he could a living Locke. He literally has mastery over John’s inanimate corpse and can use the body as a bargaining chip against Widmore, who himself has a lot of chips stacked in Locke’s favor.

But there might be another, less selfish reason that Ben killed Locke. Both Richard Alpert and Christian Shephard warned Locke that he’d have to die in order to get the Oceanic Six to return. We’ve seen that Ben and Richard shared a lengthy alliance in the past, and Christian represents Jacob, who Ben has allegedly taken orders from during his leadership of the Others. Given all of that, perhaps Ben, too, knew that Locke had to die. Sure, he stopped John from killing himself because he needed to find out the information about Eloise Hawking — but maybe he also killed John because it was written. Just as it was foretold that John had to die, so it may have been that Ben would be the one to do the deed. When Ben says “I’ll miss you” to a deceased John, is that a sarcastic, bitter remark? Or is it genuine, since resurrection will inevitably change Locke from the man he once was in his previous life?

Nothing is black and white on Lost — not even murder.

Starting Over

Ultimately, the resurrection theories came true. John Locke is alive and well after his corpse crash landed on the island along with Ajira Airways Flight 316. He remembers his life prior to his death, even identifying Benjamin Linus as his murderer. He remembers his “friends,” constantly asking new castaways Caesar and Ilana for a copy of the passenger manifest. Death certainly hasn’t slowed John down one iota. If anything, it’s completely reinvigorated him — he’s eating well, he’s moving fine, he’s speaking clearly. All things considered, death wasn’t so bad for our bald-headed friend.

The question is, what happens next? Locke is back and so are the Oceanic Six (minus Aaron), but they’ve all “vanished.” Caesar recalls a big bright light that caused Hurley and others to disappear in mid-air. We can assume that Jack and Kate vanished as well, since the three of them are together. How about Frank, Sayid and Sun? We still haven’t seen any of them, though we’ve heard that the pilot and a woman stole away with one of the catamarans. We can assume that Frank is the pilot in question — is Sun the woman with him? If so, why didn’t she vanish with the rest of her friends? Is it because she wasn’t with Jin on the airplane? And where the heck is Sayid?

We’ve also got a whole slew of new characters to consider, though we’ve only met Caesar and Ilana so far. The 316ers are the new 815ers — totally clueless individuals in for a very rude awakening. But you can’t feel too badly for them when you consider their current whereabouts. If you look closely, you can see that the folder Casear is reading from bears the Dharma Initiative’s “Hydra” insignia, so our new castaways are at least a few miles away from the big scary island. Further, the plane looks mostly intact. You can chalk that up to expert pilot Frank Lapidus, but don’t forget that Kate and Sawyer helped the Others to build a runway on the mini-island back in season three. So not only do the 316ers have a smaller, less dangerous island as their home, but they also have immediate access to a substantial Dharma station and the luxury of a mostly undamaged plane. I’m not feeling too bad for these guys.

It’s also important to consider that Ilana escorted a handcuffed Sayid onto Ajira 316. Either she is a law enforcement official of some kind, or perhaps she’s one of Widmore’s people, ensuring that all of the Oceanic Six (again, sans Aaron) made their way onto Ajira. Ilana and Caesar were also the only two people we’ve never met before that were in the first class cabin of Ajira 316. Even if these two aren’t somehow connected to the island, they’re still a threat — Walt foretold of a dream in which a mob of people were trying to hurt a suited John Locke. Since nothing on Lost is mere coincidence, and since Walt is eerily connected to the island, our recently revived hero might want to proceed cautiously around his new roommates.

Bonus Points

Plenty of easter eggs on the latest Lost. When Caesar is perusing the Hydra station for valuable information, he uncovers a copy of “Life Magazine,” a subtle reference to Locke’s impending reincarnation. Caesar’s name, too, is hardly coincidental. He has taken on a leadership role in the 316 group, just as Julius Caesar ruled over Rome. Whether or not the newly landed Caesar will meet the same fate as his namesake remains to be seen.

The numbers were in full play as well. The license plate on the car in Tunisia contains the number 42. Locke tells Widmore that he left the island 4 days prior. Widmore later tells John to contact him by dialing an international calling code plus the number 23.

Also, a couple of bloopers. Widmore shows Locke a picture of Sayid building a house in Santo Domingo. When Locke goes to see Sayid, he’s in the exact same pose as he was in the picture — coincidence, fate, or just a continuity gaffe? Later in the episode, Ben is tidying up John’s hotel room after the murder. He takes off one glove, wipes the doorknob clean of fingerprints, then closes the door with his exposed hand. The real Ben Linus wouldn’t make that error — just a case of the actor breaking character and the editors not catching it.

Come back every Thursday for an all-new edition of Lost: Island Fever!